By Stephen Colbert
Publication shop country, within the historical past of mankind there hasn't ever been a better state than the United States. you may say we're the number one kingdom at being the simplest at greatness.
But as excellent as the USA is in each manner, the USA is damaged! And we can't trade it simply because we're 236 years prior the 30-day go back window. glance around--we don't make something anymore, we've mortgaged our destiny to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief is going on global excursions simply to bow earlier than international leaders. Worse, the L.A. 4 Seasons inn doesn't actually have a committed cell button for the Spa. you need to dial an extension! the place did we lose our way?!
It's excessive time we restored the United States to the greatness it by no means lost!
Luckily, the USA back will singlebookedly pull this kingdom again from the edge. It positive factors every little thing from chapters, to web page numbers, to fonts. protecting subject's starting from healthcare ("I shudder to imagine the place we'd be with no the wide range of pharmaceuticals to regard our maladies, resembling think-shuddering" ) to the financial system ("Life is giving us lemons, and we're transport them to the chinese language to make our lemon-flavored leadonade" ) to meals ("Feel unfastened to deep fry this book-it's a wealthy resource of fiber" ), Stephen supplies the United States the dose of fact it must come back on course.
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Extra resources for America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't
Aarfy would puff reflectively on his pipe throughout the whole chaotic clash, gazing with unruffled curiosity at the war through McWatt's window as though it were a remote disturbance that could not affect him. Aarfy was a dedicated fraternity man who loved cheerleading and class reunions and did not have brains enough to be afraid. Yossarian did have brains enough and was, and the only thing that stopped him from abandoning his post under fire and scurrying back through the crawlway like a yellow-bellied rat was his unwillingness to entrust the evasive action out of the target area to anybody else.
Only the Army saved me. Luckily, the war broke out just in the nick of time, and a draft board picked me right up out of the middle and put me down safely in Lowery Field, Colorado. ' Yossarian knew he was lying, but did not interrupt as Chief White Halfoat went on to claim that he had never heard from his parents again. That didn't bother him too much, though, for he had only their word for it that they were his parents, and since they had lied to him about so many other things, they could just as well have been lying to him about that too.
He'd *better* be afraid,' Chief White Halfoat said. A deep, low laugh rumbled through his massive chest. 'I will, too, the first chance I get. ' Chief White Halfoat was a handsome, swarthy Indian from Oklahoma with a heavy, hard-boned face and tousled black hair, a half-blooded Cree from Enid who, for occult reasons of his own, had made up his mind to die of pneumonia. He was a glowering, vengeful, disillusioned Indian who hated foreigners with names like Cathcart, Korn, Black and Havermeyer and wished they'd all go back to where their lousy ancestors had come from.
America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't by Stephen Colbert